Monday, January 10, 2011

Police Academy REBOOT

Rick Barnhart and I were talking about this list of movie reboots in the works, and Police Academy stood out to us.  Out of all the movies in that list, I think this would benefit most from a reboot. I dragged my friend Boogs and Der in on the project, so here's our casting breakdown for a film destined to be  Oscar bound.

Glenn Howerton as MAHONEY
Steve Guttenberg is going to be hard to replace.  In Police Academy and Cocoon he plays a wise cracking ladies man, hell bent on zany pranks.
Names that came up included Bill Hader, Jason Segal and Robert Down Jr. All are funny,  but none have the look.
It took all weekend, but finally Boogs came up with Glenn Howerton's name.  He's not a household name, but his writing and acting in Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia puts him at the top of the list.  His character on "Always Sunny" is pretty similar to Mahoney, so he should have no problem channeling Guttenberg.

Biz Markie as JONES
AKA the guy who does all the crazy sound effects.  Felix Zenger could be cool, but who the hell knows who Felix Zenger is? Jones will need some sort of name recognition.
Biz Markie may not have the range of Michael Winslow, but I'd love to see him wear that police uniform all crooked.

Tack needs to have range: he has an unhealthy love for firearms, a vague understanding of human emotions, respect for law and order, but is also very sensitive and caring.
After his role in "Observe and Report", Seth Rogan is the perfect Eugene.  He's got the awkwardness, size and acting chops to give Tack the respect he deserves.

This is tough.  You want a woman who the cadets would take orders from but would be intimidated to knock boots with.  Jane Lynch (Glee) would be perfect since they look so similar, but the sex appeal (boobs) just isn't there. JWOWW has the curves and is popular enough that any bad acting could be overlooked.

Kristen Wiig as HOOKS
Hooks wasn't the most deep of characters. She had a soft voice and took a lot of abuse, but when pushed too far she'd scream and scare the shit out of everybody. 
Kristin Wiig plays so many similar characters on SNL, she could make Hooks a little more dynamic.

Shaquille O'Neil as HIGHTOWER

80's comedies loved casting popular athletes; Airplane had Kareem Abdul Jabbar, The Naked Gun had OJ Simpson, and Police Academy had Bubba Smith.
In keeping with that proud tradition, Shaquille O'neil would be our Hightower.  The role basically calls for the actor to stand there and be big and menacing, without saying too much....which would benefit Shaq's acting sensibilities.

Fackler was in the original film as an accident prone "average Joe". Sweetchuck came along later and basically cast the mold for the 80s nerd stereotype.
Michael Cera is probably sick of playing small/nerdy characters, but he does it well.

Tracy Morgan as ZED

The relationship between Sweetchuck and Zed kind of defined both characters.  Where Sweetchuck is passive and calm,  Zed is loud and crazy. Tracy Morgan's character on 30 Rock's relationship with Kenneth makes this a no brainer. You won't get the weird voice that Bobcat used to do, but I doubt anyone will complain.  Acting crazy shouldn't be too far out of Jordan's range, either.

George Gaynes as CMNDT. LASSARD
George Gaynes played the absent minded, head in the clouds Eric Lassard so well that the character will always be attributed to his original performance.  He's 93, so if you're going to make this movie you better do it quick.

Will Ferrell as HARRIS
Will Ferrell played car salesman/asshole Ashley Schaeffer in Eastbound & Down real well.  The viewer needs to HATE Lt. Harris, and I'd like to see Will Ferrell play the bad guy.

Danny McBride as PROCTOR
"Land of the Lost" not withstanding, Will Ferrell and Danny McBride have great on screen chemistry.  Most of the people I told about this laughed simply at the idea, so I'm onto something.

You would still need to cast a "love interest" for Mahoney and fill in some holes, but this is a good start. Judd Apatow could produce, I would obviously direct...smash hit of the year.

(posted by Douger. Thanks to Rick, Boogs and Anderson)


  1. wow i actually couldnt agree with your casting choices more

  2. Michael Shannon as Eugene Tackleberry

    and nothing with Jwoww please.

  3. Charlie Day is a perfect bobcat, much better than Tracy Morgan. I had never had anyone in my head for sweetchuck, but Cera is decent. I think I'd actually put the kid who played Zuckerberg in Social Network in instead, I think he's a better actor even though I'm a diehard arrested development fan

    I like your Shaq as hightower, I feel like winslow is the only guy who can play his role. J WOWW should not be in anyone's dream cast because she's not an actress. I'd put Ferrell in as my Tackleberry, I didn't have a Lasard in mind though