Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Doctor Who...First brit to be backed by braindead blog (try saying that drunk)

I come from a family of Sci Fi and Fantasy fanatics. This Christmas we all sat around a laptop and watched the "Dr. Who Christmas Carol" which was fan-fucking-tastic (I love using swear words to make a point). At the end of the special they showed this trailer for season 6, it got me feeling all kinds of funny inside. The British have always had a knack for quality science fiction and mixed with their awesome accents and beautiful women watching any of their original programming is a no brainer.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Double Rainbow

I don't understand why you'd advertise something you probably can't live up to ("up to", get it?). The drop shadow is a nice touch.

(posted by Douger. thanks to Jay Goldberg)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

How to Make Prisons/Schools More Fun

According to every guidance counsellor I've encountered growing up, poor students are more apt to go to jail than good students (except those pussy ass white collar criminals). Its difficult to be a good student when your school resembles OZ (HBO, not Dorothy).
Technische Universitat in Munich, Germany has taken the first step in fixing the problem by installing slides that go from the top floor down to the ground floor.
Germans are known for making things more fun.
Rope swings, ball pits, and some sort of human crane machine game can't be far off.  

(posted by Douger. via Gizmodo)

A Very Zombie Holiday (Instructional Video)

Top 5 Dicks of This Week (Dec. 15 - 21)

Chondra Sanchez calls 'em as she sees 'em.  If you're a dick, you might show up on here.

5. This Husky
This dog best get his lazy ass out of that stroller and start pulling around some igloo blocks or cocaine or something before whatever sad little orphan pushing him decides he's dead weight-then adopts him to a nice man from American named Michael Vick.
4. Amelia Earhart's remains found...maybe.
Way to crash your plane onto the fucking Lost Island so no one could find you for almost 80 years. I think the public would have been thrilled to have you back...then watch you spiral into addiction, depression and failed relationships. Oh yeah, speaking of failure, how'd that flight turn out?

"I'm a Marvel, I'm a DC" gone bad.
3. Scarlett Johannsen leaves Ryan Reynolds
Everyone is saying it's the age difference, but the woman is 26, not 12. I say now that Ryan's been voted People's Sexiest Man Alive, Scarlett can't take the even playing field. So she wants to go play on someone else's field. What a dicksicle. She makes this list because Just Friends is one of my favorite movies of all time. Team Reynolds! (NOTE: This entry in "Dicks of the Week" will heretoforth be null and void if infidelity or general douchiness on Reynolds part is discovered. Anyone's game then.)

2. Hanson (now with more crotch fruit!)
The youngest of the brothers who brought you Mmmm-Bop has another kid, bringing the grand total of the trio's progeny close to 10, which is way past the 0 I've allotted them in my mind. I can't be the only one who gets this band and the show Sister Wives confused. Mmmmm-STOP procreating and get back to writing us sweet jams we can be ashamed to have on our ipods.

1. Michael Vick wants a puppy someday
Seriously? And I'm sure pedophiles dream of hooking up with the Octomom. Could this guy please just play football and keep his mouth shut? Every time he talks it makes me want to throw him in that hungry pig pit from Hannibal.

(written by Chondra. compiled by Douger.)

Doug's note on "the Vick thing"
I might catch some shit for the Vick's inclusion in this list (since I'm an Eagle fan), but we need to make 2 things clear.

1. This is Chondra's list and Chuck and I don't edit our guest's content.

2. I agree with her.  While I believe he deserves a shot to rehabilitate himself, to say something like that right now is a bit too much.  You are being embraced by NFL fans, you're in the running for MVP, why even bring that up? Enough with the dogs, already.  You're a great player and a terrible pet owner.  Do what you're good at.

Merry Christmas! RIP John Ritter!

I love this clip, first I love the fact that Billy Bob Thornton looks more like a drunk captain hook than a drunk santa. Also the line "He's not going to say Fuck Stick in front of the children is he?" is absolutely wonderful coming out of John Ritters mouth.  FYI Fuck stick in Spanish is "pau-de-foder"...Happy Holidays!

-posted by THE CHOOCH

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

From the Mind of DER (Impossible/Impractical Christmas Gifts in the 1980s)

A time to be with one's family and friends. To reflect on the year that's passed. All the good and all the bad. While kids and adults sought proof and celebration in the existence of Santa/God alike...I look back on fond memories as a child surrounded by amazing toys.

Yes, it stemmed from a corporate cocaine influenced, money hungry special place but one cannot deny that being a kid in the 1980s meant "Best. Christmas. Ever." It meant spending all of December in deep worship with my bible, "The Sears Catalog".
This brings me to compile my list of "Top 5 Impossible and Impractical Christmas Toys in the 1980s".

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Spider-man "Turn Off The Dark" is fucked.

Its one thing to take a big expensive shit, but if nobody sees or smells it then what's the point?

From Yahoo:
NEW YORK – Broadway might need a superhero to save the new Spider-Man musical. "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark," the most expensive production in Broadway history, suffered its fourth accident in a month when a stuntman playing the web-slinger fell about 30 feet into a stage pit during a preview Monday night. The safety tether that clips to his back failed to prevent the spill.

Seriously, what is the death toll on this thing already? I'm pretty sure at this point if Mephisto offered the producers and Bono to take it all away, they'd probably be willing to make a deal
A better alternative to going to see Spider-man dance.
(posted by Douger)

Paul Conroy's "Top 5 Atari 2600 Games"

There are many people out there who don't currently play video games, but few who haven't at one point. While Paul Conroy (talent manager for athletes and musicians) has been obsessed with (and owned every version of) the Madden Football series dating back to it's beginnings on the Sega Genesis, he hasn't picked up any other video game in over 20 years. However, the impact the great games of the Atari 2600 made on him at an early age will forever be ingrained in his brain. We can all only hope that while he is staging hostile takeovers and negotiating huge contracts for athletes and musicians he views himself as Pitfall Harry jumping on the competitions heads and forging new ground for success.

We tip our hats to you PC, we always knew you had an 8-bit darkside!

STAR WARS...Shut Up and Get Over It.

or...How I Learned to Stop Caring and Move On 
The original Star Wars has probably started more young, impressionable minds down a nerdy path than any other film, book, tv series, or comic ever has.  What's not to like? There are cool costumes, outer space, some weird magic shit, cool locations, aliens, dudes that talk in cool voices, guns, explosions, swords that light up different colors...the list goes on. More importantly, you have great characters involved in a compelling plot, all stretched out over 3 movies.

Corey Taylor - XM@$

Further proof that Corey Taylor is a bad ass.

Not many Christmas songs can reference Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. Great song, great video, instant classic.

Hit the jump for a behind the scenes look at recording the song and Corey's description of the song (spoiler alert: he actually loves Christmas).

Ben Linus is a Rock!

This post is for the LOST fans of the world. Benjamin Linus is a Motherfucking Rock! I think Ben Linus is one of the greatest characters every created and the video below (created by TV Bloggers Pop Culture Savant) brought a tear to my eye.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Jayson Werth and Cliff Lee have a casual conversation...

This video is HILARIOUS! With all the money Jayson Werth got from The Nationals he can spend the fall vacationing somewhere warm cause he sure as fuck won't be playing baseball!


I went to high school in a very rural part of central Jersey, which is mostly inhabited with Upper Middle Class "Republican" types. However, the day after a Gwar show at City Gardens, I would see a surprising amount of "normal" kids with their faces stained red from the night before.  Long story short, Gwar has found a way to be relevant, funny and appealing to all kinds of insufferable human filth for 20+ years.

The Elephant In The Room

Guy walks into a barbershop and says, "Give me the BABAR".
(posted by : Douger. Thanks to Buske)

TRON Review (without seeing it)

Its important to note, I haven't seen the new Tron movie, but I'm going to write a review anyway.  

The producers/director of TRON:LEGACY have done an amazing job convincing the public that the original TRON was a great movie.  If you can get past the outdated graphics, weird computer mumbo jumbo, and outfits that make everyone look the same, then you're more forgiving than I am.

I think a lot of the original movies fascination is based more on nostalgia then it being a great movie.  That's not to say that TRON wasn't an important movie in terms of it being on the ground floor of the computer animation boom, I'll certainly give it that. John Lasseter watched the movie and it inspired him to take computer animation to the next level, which led to the creation of PIXAR. However, John Lasseter is always seen wearing Hawaiian shirts, so....

Buske's Top 5 Crowbar Records

Buske's been in bands (Another Victim, Santa Sangre, The Promise, Terror, Maximum Penalty, Nasty Posse) for as long as I've known him, which has been well into 10 years now. He's passionate about music, and Crowbar is at the top of his list.  When I asked him to compile this list, I think he ran a gamut of emotions...Excitement. Anger. Responsibility. Anxiety. Anger. Confusion. Inspiration. Relief. And then anger again.   
He's one of my best friends, he's one of the biggest assholes I know, but he knows his shit.  Take it away, Jonnie Bitch...

I've never had to sit down and actually think about and develop rhetoric to explain why I love Crowbar so much. It's never been a topic of discussion beyond "who is your favorite band?" and when met with "why are they your favorite band?", the answer has always simply been, "because they're the heaviest band on the planet". If you know me, you know I like my music heavy so it only made sense that Crowbar would wear that crown. Having been asked to do this piece, it forced me to sit and really dissect WHY I love these songs so much. As fruity as it may sound, Crowbar is more than just music, lyrics and riffs to me. They harness a certain atmosphere, a distinct emotion. They transcend entertainment in musical form and that is something I have never gotten from any other band. They are poster children for musicians that need to understand that "less is more" when it comes to writing music and songs. It was almost torturous to have to sit and find words to verbalize the emotions/feelings evoked through a Crowbar song, but what follows is my attempt.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Sianara, suckers.

Great first week of blogging.  510 views as of 5pm on Friday...not too shabby! Expect much of the same next week, hopefully Chooch or I get to compiling some of our nerdy AIM conversations and I have one confirmed guest for Tuesday that will be awesome.

In case you missed what was happening this week:
- A perfect gift idea for the scumbag in your life.
- We outlined a better way to give to charities.
- A dude is dead.
- We started a new segment with Anderson Bradshaw called "From The Mind Of Der".
- Doug fixed the NFL.
- Rick Barnhart is filled with hate, so naturally we gave him an outlet to spew.
- Chooch showed us a site that has "Hot Chicks In Batman Shirts", but some of the entries don't match the description.
- Chooch sent everyone some holiday greetings.
- Mario Brothers got the "Grand Theft Auto" treatment.
- A fat guy in Florida doesn't pay attention to the subtext.
- Something, something ... Brett Favre.
- Adidas does their best to thin the nerd population.
- Chooch gave us his "Top 5 Bender Quotes".
- "Batman : Arkham City" released a trailer.
- A young lady can't play the guitar.
- Emma Stone is a perfect choice for Gwen Stacy, but should not be left alone with Chooch.

See ya next week.
-Douger and Chooch

Deadbeat Gift Ideas

What do you get that deadbeat friend of yours that spends all day drinking beer and watching tv? How about a universal remote with a bottle opener attached to it?

"CLICKER" had their scientists working around the clock to create a universal remote that could control 8 devices, and (according to their website) open "brown, green, AND clear bottles".  It also says it will transform your "BOYCAVE" into a "MANCAVE"  (if you have a boycave, you're seriously fucked).

It should also come with a "Coping with Failure" manual and a voucher for "1 free bullet and gun rental" for your significant other.

You can buy it here for $24 after you've decided life isn't fun.

(posted by: Douger)

Season of Giving

23,000+ teddy bears were collected and given to local hospitals for children (hopefully none of the kids were suffering from frostbite when you handed them a frozen bear). This is a great model for charities to follow; create an opportunity for people to chuck their contribution at you.  Imagine if you could bury a couple quarters in a snowball and wing them at the Salvation Army Santa instead of putting money into that sad little pot.  The bell should only be rung if you hit him in the head or in the nuts.  If you make "giving" more violent/fun, more people would do it.

via BBC/IceCream Blog
(posted by Douger)

Blake Edwards, dead at 88.

Edwards smoking a high tech cigar.
Blake Edwards died yesterday at the tender age of 88. Edwards directed "10" which practically invented running on the beach in slow motion, so teenage boys worldwide owe him a high five (use your "off" hand out of respect). Consequently, he also made stalking "quirky".

I've dealt with his death by just assuming he was already dead for the past 10 years. We cope in our own ways.

(posted by Douger)

From the mind of DER (Multiplayer Games for XBOX360)

Anderson Bradshaw; singer for The Promise and Another Victim, business partner, friend, and one time roommate.  Many of his nights have been spent yelling at 13 year old across the globe via XBOX360 and that cool headset all the hippest guys wear (where the hell is that sarcasm font?).

My wife and I started calling him "Ander", since "Anderson" had 3 syllables, and who's got time for that shit? Soon 2 syllables became too much of a hindrance, so I present to you...

Fixing the NFL

Lots of talk has been going around about the Jacksonville Jaguars moving to L.A. To me, this makes sense. The Jags (fitting pun) can't sell tickets, their games are often blacked out, the fans don't care, and Florida (a state that doesn't care for any sport other than baseball) has 2 other teams already.  To top it off, their team color is teal. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Rick Barnhart Hates....

I've known Rick Barnhart for a little over ten years, and he is easily one of the most hate-filled individuals I know... and I know A LOT of hateful people! We've decided to give him a soapbox to stand on and shake his fist at all of youz.

Hot Chicks in Batman Shirts

Chooch is in "meetings" today, but took time out to send me a link to a site dedicated to "hot" girls wearing Batman shirts. I guess you don't have to be fan of Batman or DC (I'm not really a fan of either) to appreciate the premise, but the execution is suspect.

Technically, this is not a "shirt".

Happy Holidays from your brain dead blog Wizzzard!

(posted by: Chooch)

The Brothers Mario


(posted by Douger)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

V for Vague (Understanding of the Source Material)

Today in Florida, Clay Duke took a couple very poorly aimed shots at school board officials, but not before spray painting the iconic image from Alan Moore's "V for Vendetta" comic book mini series (also a movie). So, the reference to the comic means that there are similarities, right? Yes and no.

Boo, freakin, Hoo (Favre's Record)

Favre's record for consecutive starts topped out at 297, and some people (women probably) are bummed that its over.  I think it should have ended at 285 (after last year's NFC championship game. Do the math, turkeys).

He had a chance to bow out gracefully, leaving people to wonder; "oh man, what if he stayed around" and being remembered as a great QB. Instead, his exit will be marred by his diminished play and for showing his pecker to some chick.

As for his record, its a great number and shows how strong he is mentally and physically.  Times have changed and you don't see QBs putting up those kind of numbers.  However, lets not forget...he's not even close to holding the all-time record of 352 by NY Giants punter, Jeff Feagles.  Favre would have to keep starting games until Feagles retired, then play almost 4 more seasons.  That said, punters shouldn't count since they're one step up from "Equipment Manager" and one step below "Cheerleader".

Good job, Brett.  Too bad your ding dong was more news worthy this year than your play.

And he didn't even win $10,000 from America's Funniest Videos.
(posted by Douger)

Adidas Does Their Part for Natural Selection.

Adidas' form of birth control.
"Star Wars High Tops".  Cool on paper, but not on your feet.  I can't help but think that George Lucas licensed these knowing that hardcore Star Wars fans would get their asses kicked.  Think twice before making fun of Jar Jar!

More atrocities can be found at Hypebeast.
(posted by Douger)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Chooch's Top 5 Bender Quotes

1."Do I preach to you while you're lying stoned in the gutter? No."
2."I'm gonna go build my own theme park! With blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the park!"
3."Everybody's a jerk. You, me, this jerk."
4."Life can be hilariously cruel."
5."This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering 100 kegs, 100 hookers and 100 Elvis impersonators that aren't above a little hooking should the occasion arise."
(posted by Chooch)

Batman : Arkham City Trailer

Arkham Asylum was one of the best games of the last 5 years easily, this looks like it is going to continue the legacy! 
(posted by Chooch)

I couldn't get the stupid video to embed, but here's something better.  Scroll down for a link to go to a website that is way dumber than this one. 
(updated by Douger)

Now THAT is what I call a "Flying V"!

(posted by Douger)

Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy.

AIM Conversation between Brain Dead Blog administrators:
Doug: Yo. Check this out; Emma Stone with blonde hair and makeup for her role as gwen stacy.
Chuck: Oh my god. I want to put her in my trunk and drive to the middle of nowhere.
Doug: Drop her off a bridge.
Chuck: and make her tea.