Thursday, December 23, 2010

Top 5 Dicks of This Week (Dec. 15 - 21)

Chondra Sanchez calls 'em as she sees 'em.  If you're a dick, you might show up on here.

5. This Husky
This dog best get his lazy ass out of that stroller and start pulling around some igloo blocks or cocaine or something before whatever sad little orphan pushing him decides he's dead weight-then adopts him to a nice man from American named Michael Vick.
4. Amelia Earhart's remains found...maybe.
Way to crash your plane onto the fucking Lost Island so no one could find you for almost 80 years. I think the public would have been thrilled to have you back...then watch you spiral into addiction, depression and failed relationships. Oh yeah, speaking of failure, how'd that flight turn out?

"I'm a Marvel, I'm a DC" gone bad.
3. Scarlett Johannsen leaves Ryan Reynolds
Everyone is saying it's the age difference, but the woman is 26, not 12. I say now that Ryan's been voted People's Sexiest Man Alive, Scarlett can't take the even playing field. So she wants to go play on someone else's field. What a dicksicle. She makes this list because Just Friends is one of my favorite movies of all time. Team Reynolds! (NOTE: This entry in "Dicks of the Week" will heretoforth be null and void if infidelity or general douchiness on Reynolds part is discovered. Anyone's game then.)

2. Hanson (now with more crotch fruit!)
The youngest of the brothers who brought you Mmmm-Bop has another kid, bringing the grand total of the trio's progeny close to 10, which is way past the 0 I've allotted them in my mind. I can't be the only one who gets this band and the show Sister Wives confused. Mmmmm-STOP procreating and get back to writing us sweet jams we can be ashamed to have on our ipods.

1. Michael Vick wants a puppy someday
Seriously? And I'm sure pedophiles dream of hooking up with the Octomom. Could this guy please just play football and keep his mouth shut? Every time he talks it makes me want to throw him in that hungry pig pit from Hannibal.

(written by Chondra. compiled by Douger.)

Doug's note on "the Vick thing"
I might catch some shit for the Vick's inclusion in this list (since I'm an Eagle fan), but we need to make 2 things clear.

1. This is Chondra's list and Chuck and I don't edit our guest's content.

2. I agree with her.  While I believe he deserves a shot to rehabilitate himself, to say something like that right now is a bit too much.  You are being embraced by NFL fans, you're in the running for MVP, why even bring that up? Enough with the dogs, already.  You're a great player and a terrible pet owner.  Do what you're good at.

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant. Make 'Dicks of the Week' a regular feature!