Charlie Sheen vs. Mike Tyson Quote Quiz

I love Mike Tyson, and not in an "ironic" way.  My dad would take me to sports bars when I was a kid to watch Tyson's fights because he thought it was a waste of money to get Pay-Per-View for a fight that only lasted 30 seconds. There would be so much build up and the commentators would convince you that the other guy had a chance, then Iron Mike would lay the dude out instantly. Tyson's trainer, Cuz D'Amato, literally took a kid off the street and made him a champion.  After D'Amato died, Don King took over and made him down a road that led to jail and face tattoos, but Tyson is still my favorite fighter of all time. If you haven't seen the Tyson documentary, check it out. He's also in some show on Animal Planet about his pigeons.

Personal shinfo aside, ESPN made up this quiz where you have to figure out who said it: Charlie Sheen or Mike Tyson.

1. "Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

2. "My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"
a) Charlie Sheen

b) Mike Tyson

3. "It's like I'm a naked tornado that comes through a city and there's just so much wreckage. There's so much destruction, and when it's finally over, it's like the morning after and you're sober and ... what the f--- happened here?"

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

Hit the jump for more questions and the answer key.
4. "There was one big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful, but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let me smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

5. "There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

6. "My power is discombobulatingly devastating. I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

7. "They're trying to destroy my family. I take great umbrage with that. Defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

8. "I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time -- and this includes naps -- I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

9. "People misinterpret my passion for anger."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

10. "I'm addicted to perfection. Problem with my life is I was always also addicted to chaos. Perfect chaos."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

Bonus: "I can not be defeated. I beat all man. Someday, I will beat a real champion. If he dies, he dies."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson

Answer key:
1: a
2: b
3: b
4: b
5: a
6: b
7: a
8: a
9: a
10: b
Bonus: (Trick question) Ivan Drago said that in "Rocky IV," but you already knew that.

Rating guide:
0-2 correct answers: Congratulations, you're aggressively normal!
3-4 correct answers: Remain calm. All is well.
5-6 correct answers: You're starting to worry us.
7-8 correct answers: Dr. Phil will see you now.
9-11 correct answers: Welcome to dysfunction junction. Population: You.

Thomas Neumann from ESPN.com wrote this. I'd never write any of the dumb crap in the "rating guide", but the quiz was cool.